Wednesday, September 20, 2006

What the Bleep Do We Know?

I've been watching a DVD that has been recommended to me for quite some time now. 'What the Bleep do we Know?' I’m still trying to digest it. Don't know if I'll be able to, actually. It’s about quantum physics, or, in the words of one of the presenters, the mathematics of possibility.

Part of my interest is the film’s exploration of emotional addiction. The same chemical receptors that hooked me with nicotine, a painfully difficult drug to shake, also keep me in the same relationship (or lack thereof), the same job, the same state of mind.

I’m left to ponder what emotions do I experience on a regular basis? The feeling of being outcast, of being misunderstood, not included, seperateness, competiveness, fearfulness, subjectiveness, judged, not quite good enough. I wonder if those emotions are the ones that I’m addicted to, addicted to melancholy, addicted to aloneness at the same time desperately trying to find a place where I belong, feeling as if I have to have the correct answer or have to climb that hill faster than the next guy or make better grades. Who in the hell am I trying to please? On the other hand, I have been experiencing contentment more than any other time in my life. Sometimes when I practice taiji I feel a connection with the ‘other’ that is just eerie, while at the same time I am hoping that someone is watching, someone is seeing this extraordinary thing that I do. Narcissistic? Surely! (anyone with a blog has to be somewhat narcissistic, I think – to what degree, though?)

Do I just need someone to show up out of the blue, slap me about the face and tell me to just deal with it? Quit whining?

I’m intrigued at the ideas that float about in my head regarding intimacy. I’m really pissed that I’ll not have an opportunity to know someone as a lover for 50 years, and know that kind of history with another, but on the other hand I don’t even know if I’m meant for a lover or that kind of intimacy in my life.

The DVD also puts forth the idea that I can undergo a paradigm shift. I can correct negative thinking. I can alter reality with thought and thought only. I can build a world far beyond and different than what I currently perceive if I break those emotional addictions. I want to know how.

1 Comments:

Blogger Colin Madland said...

you`ve got me curious...I want to see it.

Wed Oct 18, 09:52:00 PM  

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